Pregnancy, Drugs, Alcohol, Mom AND Dad

Babies Born to Drug Abusers or Alcohol Drinkers

Most alcoholics and drug abusers know, but often refuse to admit, that they have addictions. Though pregnancy should change their behavior, often it does not. Oblivious to how their unborn infant might respond to their drinking or drug abuse during pregnancy, moms continue to abuse their bodies – and their baby’s developing bodies – with drugs and alcohol, knowing, and at the same time, refusing to believe, that continued use of either drugs or alcohol could harm their growing fetus. But Mom is not the only one responsible for her baby. Read on! 

Drinking While Pregnant

As I mention in a previous Help for Single Parents blog, titled, Which is Better – Tobacco, Alcohol, or Marijuana? “According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIH), ‘Alcohol affects every organ in the drinker's body and can damage a developing fetus.’” According to Mayo Clinic, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome symptoms “include any mix of physical defects, intellectual or cognitive disabilities, and problems functioning and coping with daily life.” Alcohol affects Baby’s brain and central nervous system, behavior, and social skills.

Further information from Mayo Clinic about the effects of alcohol on pregnant women include the following:

• Alcohol enters your bloodstream and reaches your developing fetus by crossing the placenta
• Alcohol causes higher blood alcohol concentrations in your developing baby than in your body because a fetus metabolizes alcohol slower than an adult does
• Alcohol interferes with the delivery of oxygen and optimal nutrition to your baby's developing tissues and organs, including the brain

University of Iowa Children’s Hospital lists the following complications for babies born addicted to alcohol:

• Acute ingestion: hyperactivity, tremors for 72h, followed by lethargy for 48h
• Chronic ingestion: consider fetal alcohol ingestion and its spectrum of abnormalities including CNS (Central Nervous System), growth deficiency, facial features, cardiac and musculoskeletal anomalies 

The difference between acute and chronic is that acute means an immediate severe problem, such as ingesting a lot of alcohol just prior to the baby’s birth; chronic means that Mom has been drinking throughout most of the pregnancy. If Mom is a chronic drinker, Baby could be born addicted to alcohol, in the same way that chronic drug abuse could result in a baby suffering from withdrawal.

Taking Drugs While Pregnant

Just as alcohol crosses the placenta, so, too, do drugs. Depending upon the type and amount of drugs the woman takes during pregnancy, varying effects on the unborn child occur. Withdrawal may be one of the results. The physical manifestations of those withdrawals is, according to several authorities, child abuse.  

The University of Iowa lists the following signs of drug withdrawal:

• Gastrointestinal: Diarrhea, vomiting, ravenous appetite, poor feeding.
• Neurologic: Irritability, jitteriness, restlessness (rubbed knees, rubbed nose), erratic sleeping, fist-sucking, shrill cry, hypertonia, hyperreflexia (overactive or over-responsive reflexes), myoclonus (spasms) and less often seizures. The incidence of seizures is higher in methadone-maintained mothers (10-15%) than in those abusing heroin.
• Signs of heroin withdrawal occur in 50-75% of infants born to addicted mothers and usually begin within the first 24-72 h of life.

What Parents Can Do to Prevent a Baby from Becoming Drug Dependent

Many people place the bulk of the responsibility for the baby’s health on the pregnant mother. If she has a predilection for alcohol or drugs, she knows she needs to stop drinking or abusing drugs, but she needs encouragement and support from people she trusts and loves. 

If Mom’s partner continues to abuse alcohol or drugs during the pregnancy, she may find that stopping is difficult. With no support system to buffer her, the stress of pregnancy itself, along with other considerations (i.e., job, home life, finances), may contribute to her feeling that she’s handling her situation alone, and she may decide to drink “just one” or take “only one” pill. One translates to another, however, and then to another, and Mom cannot stop. At a certain point, she stops caring.

The first step in dealing with drinking and drugging while pregnant is admitting you have a problem. The second step is to enlist the help of your partner and outside help. A supportive partner who quits smoking, drinking, and doing drugs with you is a partner who is willing to sacrifice his or her habits for the welfare of the child. EXPECT your partner to support you! And be supportive of him or her as well.

If your partner refuses to be responsible and refuses to participate in your recovery, suggest you both join a group of either Alcoholics Anonymous and/or Narcotics Anonymous. If your partner refuses to help you help yourself and your unborn baby, ask family members to help. If family is not an option, seek friends who want to be part of your support system. If you have no friends, several organizations specific to drug/alcohol addiction, like the ones mentioned above, exist to help you. Find them.

If you don’t take care of the problem while pregnant, you may not be able to bring your baby home from the hospital! Many Departments of Family Services organizations take addicted babies from hospitals directly to foster homes while they await your recovery, and you will miss those first bonding moments.

What Parents Can Do to a Baby Born Addicted

Because addicted babies are considered to be the result of abusive parents (abused because the parents took drugs or drank alcohol during pregnancy and caused their baby to be addicted), some states won’t allow Baby to go home with Mom or Dad and instead may place the infant in a temporary foster home until the parents are deemed capable of caring for their newborn. Why risk losing those first bonding moments with your baby when you can take care of the matter now, while you’re pregnant? 

If you’re fortunate enough to bring Baby home, STOP DRINKING and STOP USING! Cuddle, swaddle, and care for your baby. Let your baby know that you value your baby’s wellbeing. He or she will be dependent upon you for the next 18 years.

And don’t resume drinking or doing drugs once the baby is home. Children who grow up with alcoholic or drug abusing mothers and fathers live in fear. I cannot possibly list all of the problems associated with children who grow up with alcoholics, so I will suggest you read Psychological Characteristics of Children of Alcoholics, written by Kenneth J. Sher, Ph.D. 

And if you continue to abuse drugs, I suggest you download the report located at the bottom of the article titled, No Safe Haven: Children of Substance-Abusing Parents, which starts out:

Children whose parents abuse alcohol and other drugs are almost 3 times likelier to be physically or sexually assaulted and more than 4 times likelier to be neglected by their parents compared to children of parents who are not substance abusers. With 28 million children of alcoholics and several million children of other drug abusers, children and adults in America who, during their lives, have been neglected and/or physically and sexually assaulted by substance-abusing parents constitute a significant portion of our population.

Alcohol and drug abuse contribute to the neglect and abuse of our children. With everything going on in the world today, why subject your baby to a life of more fear and uncertainty? Be a safe haven for your baby.

Photo was found on so many sites, I couldn’t find the original to credit.

Help for Parents Who Don’t Want to See Their Drug-Abusing Kids Live on the Streets

Like cigarettes in the 50s with their sexy and glamorous portrayal in movies, drugs today intrigue kids because they are mysterious, alluring, and enticing. What kids don’t realize, though, despite what they hear, is that they are also dangerous (because they believe that nothing bad will ever happen to them). 

In the 50s smokers were considered cool. Today people look upon cigarette smokers with disdain and disgust. Unfortunately, kids don’t see that drug abusers are looked upon with that same disdain and disgust, because their teenage friends use drugs and they're popular. As parents, we flounder with our inability to cope with the devastation associated with drug and alcohol abuse.

Like so many parents who struggle to maintain some sense of balance when they know things are going terribly wrong, we stand on the precipice of wanting to help our kids without also enabling them. Susie calls Mom to ask for money – again. Mom instinctively knows, either because Susie has been asking for a lot of money lately, or wants to deny that Susie is using drugs, that the money her daughter wants will not be used for what Susie says it will be used.

So Mom lends her money for all those things Susie asks – I need money for food – I need to pay the rent – the kids don’t have any school supplies – the list goes on and on. The list changes from week to week, of course, because Susie doesn’t want Mom to become suspicious. So Mom, who doesn’t want to see Susie and her grandchildren living in a dangerous alley or under a bridge somewhere, gives Susie money.

Why not just take Susie in, you might ask, and let her live with Mom? That way her kids would live in a safe environment. But Susie stole some family heirlooms and sold them for drugs. One day, Susie’s mom came home to find her home ransacked and she reported the theft to police. A brand new flat-screen 60” smart TV was missing, along with several electronic devices, including the family computer. Susie looked a little too surprised by the theft. Mom suspected Susie and her “friends” had something to do with it, but she didn’t want to accuse Susie in front of her children.

Nobody ever found out who stole the goods, but Susie’s mom knew, and so did everybody else who knew Susie.

So what’s a mom or dad to do?

Probably the first thing to do is to recognize the signs of drug abuse. (For a list of different types of drug abuse and their signs, click this link on the National Institute on Drug Abuse web site.)

The next thing to do is initiate court proceedings to put Susie’s kids in a loving home. Sadly, too often, people like Susie have parents who also abuse drugs or alcohol. If you’re a parent who uses and abuses drugs and/or alcohol, GET HELP NOW!

Then get Susie (and yourself if need be) into a rehabilitation center somewhere. No money? Figure out how much you’ve been “lending” Susie. You might find that the money you’re losing could pay for a stint at a rehab facility. Just plug, “drug rehab centers” into your search engine to find one.

But in the present situation – STOP GIVING MONEY TO YOUR KIDS!! Do they need gas? Drive them to the gas station and pay for the gas yourself. Do they need food? Go shopping with your kids and pay for their food. Do they need money for a doctor or dentist? Accompany them to the doctor’s or dentist’s office and pay the bill. We have to STOP ENABLING our children in ways that result in even more alcohol or drug abuse!

You could argue that paying for gas, food, and doctors constitutes enabling, but a lot of parents feel guilty for not giving their kids money, and this is one way to alleviate the guilt without contributing to more abuse.

We also need to offer our kids alternatives. Maybe we didn’t discuss drug or alcohol abuse with our kids when they were younger. Maybe they saw us drinking and abusing drugs and we feel that because we indulged, we have no right to say anything. Maybe we weren't honest with our kids about drug usage (see link below that talks about why we're not telling our kids the truth about drugs).

But thinking we don't have the right to discuss drug abuse because of what we did in the past is ridiculous. As the parent you have every right to look out for your kids no matter how old they get. We have access to the Internet and to some very reputable resources. Look at some of these resources and figure out a way to help your kids in any way OTHER than giving them money.

Every dollar you give your kids who abuse drugs or alcohol puts them a little deeper underground. If you don’t want to bury your kids, help them find a way out.

For more information on drugs, specifically concerning the lies we tell our kids about drugs, read, Why What We’re Telling Our Kids About Drugs Doesn’t Help Them.  

Which is Better – Tobacco, Alcohol, or Marijuana?

Tobacco

You could argue that everyone already knows the harmful effects of tobacco and yet – every day – both adults and CHILDREN start smoking, despite billboards sprawled across our landscape and despite lessons heard (but not learned) in school. If parents smoke, children will likely smoke. What kids see when they grow up is what is comfortable for them. You can’t teach your children to listen to what you say and then assume they will ignore what you do. They will emulate you. 

And let’s not forget how peer pressure contributes to our children’s choices. If kids don’t have a strong sense of themselves and their individual right to think for themselves, they will succumb to stronger individuals who force them to “just try it.” We need to educate our children, but we also need to reinforce their sense of “self.”

We hear so much about what tobacco does to our lungs, but we may not care and we may not be aware of some of the other negative effects tobacco has on our bodies. According to the American Lung Association, “Smoking increases your risk of age-related macular degeneration, the leading cause of blindness in adults over the age of 65.” Smoking also contributes to Type 2 Diabetes and affects poor circulation to legs and feet. When blood doesn’t flow to the feet, you risk gangrene and amputation. 

Smoking narrows the blood vessels all over the body and could result in erectile dysfunction. Ectopic pregnancy, a life-threatening reproductive complication, is more likely to occur in smokers. Because smokers lose bone density at a faster rate than do non-smokers, hip fractures become a risk for smokers. And smoking is a contributing factor for colorectal cancer. Smoking is also a factor in the development of rheumatoid arthritis.

Babies born with a condition called orofacial cleft (cleft lip/cleft palate) more than likely came from mothers who smoked. Even the process of getting pregnant can be difficult for some smokers, because smoking reduces fertility in women and can contribute to other problems during pregnancy.

Gum disease is another problem that affects smokers. Gum infections destroy the bone that supports your teeth and heavy smoking could result in tooth loss.

Alcohol

Like tobacco, alcohol is readily available and considered legal, though when you look at the effects alcohol has had on society – when it is abused – you can see the devastating effects of alcohol abuse. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIH), “Alcohol affects every organ in the drinker's body and can damage a developing fetus. Intoxication can impair brain function and motor skills; heavy use can increase risk of certain cancers, stroke, and liver disease. Alcoholism or alcohol dependence is a diagnosable disease characterized by a strong craving for alcohol, and/or continued use despite harm or personal injury. Alcohol abuse, which can lead to alcoholism, is a pattern of drinking that results in harm to one's health, interpersonal relationships, or ability to work.”

Every year, more children are finding their way into their parents’ or friends’ parents’ liquor cabinets and unconsciously preparing themselves for lives as alcoholics. In 2014, according to the NIH, 66% of 12th graders will have tried alcohol. 66%! How old is your child?

Wisdom has taken a back seat to knowledge. Our educational instructions aren’t working! Or maybe they are. We can’t ask our teachers to tell our children about the evils of alcohol if we’re getting drunk in front of our kids or if they see and smell the morning-after effects alcohol has on us. Children don’t care what we tell them. They act the way we act.

Marijuana

In my title, I ask which is better, but now I’m asking, which is more harmful? According to the American Lung Association, “Like tobacco smoke, marijuana smoke contains cancer-causing chemicals. There are 33 cancer-causing chemicals contained in marijuana. Marijuana smoke also deposits tar into the lungs. In fact, when equal amounts of marijuana and tobacco are smoked, marijuana deposits four times as much tar into the lungs (italics mine). This is because marijuana joints are un-filtered and often more deeply inhaled than cigarettes.” 

Other health effects include impairment of short-term memory and motor coordination, slowed reaction time, moods, judgment, and decision-making. In some people marijuana causes severe anxiety and loss of touch with reality.

So which is better?

I think we can all agree that marijuana is better than meth, but maybe, instead of choosing our drug of choice, we need to think of alternate ways to cope with our challenges. Smokers and drinkers will tell you they know what they are doing is bad for them, but they can’t stop now, because – and they go on to list a multitude of circumstances occurring in their lives about which they cannot cope. 

The reason they smoke or drink, they tell you, is because they are under too much stress to quit. But the ability – or inability – to cope with stress is not a reason – it’s an excuse. Stress never ends. It changes, but it never ends. 

We are all stressed. We are all facing challenges. The problem is not stress itself, but our inability to cope with stress. We all need to learn how to cope with stress, and we need to learn how to cope with stress without the use of drugs or alcohol. 

Do you drink or smoke in moderation? Do your children see you drinking or smoking? Do they know the difference between using alcohol or drugs responsibly and abusing alcohol or drugs? We teach by our actions, not by our words.