Pedophilia in the Workplace: Does Your Teenager Work for a Pedophile?

Originally posted on Associated Content/Yahoo Voices/Yahoo Contributor Network December 3, 2009

Pedophilia is a subject that causes blood to boil. But it also causes - in some people - an excitement unmatched by anything else.

What is pedophilia?

Considered a mental disorder by some medical professionals, pedophilia is a societally condemned abnormality wherein the pedophile becomes sexually aroused by his or her own fantasies involving children.

Unlike fantasies engaged in by "normal" people who keep their fantasies in the fantasy stage, however, the pedophile's fantasies mutate into actions - unacceptable and harmful actions - perpetrated on innocent victims and their loved ones.

What is a pedophile?

The pedophile is a master manipulator. He learns very quickly how to draw children and teenagers into his deceptive web. He entices his victims in ways those victims would never recognize as anything but sincere. At most, children feel only slightly uneasy or uncomfortable, initially without any obvious validation for why they feel the way they do.

How do pedophiles operate?

Pedophiles ease their way into unsuspecting lives and often try to befriend the parents first - in an attempt to build trust. The hope is that eventually parents will allow their children unsupervised visits with them. The pedophile, once he targets his victim, feigns interest in the child by engaging the child in ways that cause the child to believe the pedophile truly cares about him or her.

Children who are under a tremendous amount of stress and who are filled with self-doubt are particularly good targets for a pedophile. The pedophile zeroes in on the stress and alleviates it by pretending to be more interested in the child than the parents appear to be (at least according to the child's perceptions, which have been masterfully manipulated by the perpetrator).

Once the child trusts the pedophile, the pedophile, taking advantage of the opportunity to abuse the trust, confuses the child by taking the child off-guard with something as simple as an arm around the shoulder. Thus begins the courting stage where the pedophile convinces himself that he loves the child and therefore anything he does to show that love is justified.

The pedophile, in his own warped mind, decides his purely sexual attraction to children is actually a form of love.

Why does it seem that pedophilia has proliferated?

Sexual attraction to children is not new. It has been going on for centuries, but with the introduction of computers and web images, pornography has become a profitable venture for opportunists who find pleasure in abusing children.

How do pedophiles entice their victims?

The pedophile puts himself into a position where he can access children in socially acceptable settings. Nowhere is this ability to attract children more obvious or more insidious than in the workplace, where the employer can choose his victims through a careful screening process, weeding them out until "the one" shows up.

Though we often think of pedophiles as being attracted to young children, some are more attracted to teenagers. And by offering employment through business opportunities, the pedophile can attract exactly the type of victim he prefers.

How does the boss give himself permission to abuse his employer?

Say he owns a small shop and pays minimum wage. Who, other than a teenager, would apply for such a position? He is the "boss" and the teenager depends on him for income. After a couple of weeks, when the teenager becomes somewhat comfortable with the job, the boss introduces small gestures of sexual interest. It may be only a hand on the shoulder or the back of the neck. It may be a nudge with a hip, but it soon becomes a hand placed on other body parts.

Or it starts with suggestive comments, like a subtle request to take a picture. The request sounds innocent until the boss asks the child to open his shirt a little or pull down his pants. The teenager panics, but unless he is equipped with enough self assurance to run out of the store and immediately call the police, the teenager may reason that he has to keep his job and, though upset, grants the pervert's request.

A teenager may at first brush off inappropriate suggestions. But by showing up at work again the next day, her boss now has the impression that she merely has to be convinced to adhere to his wishes. She will probably be too embarrassed to mention to her parents that her boss asked her to engage in sexually explicit pornography.

The teenager becomes more and more uncomfortable, but feels helpless to change anything. He is afraid he will disappoint his parents who are depending on him to keep his job. He is also afraid to stand up to his boss. The boss is an authority figure and if the teenager's parents drove into him that he had to respect his elders, he won't be capable of standing up for himself.

Why do children and teenagers cooperate with the pedophile?

Fear drives the victim to engage in activities she otherwise might never allow. Taking "just one picture" might seem innocent to her, but one picture leads to more and now the boss has an entire hard drive filled with photos of your daughter or your son ready to share with other perverts on the web. And once your daughter (or son) feels degraded and humiliated, she will never admit her involvement and she will blame herself for her behavior.

What signs can parents look for when their children have been abused by a pedophile?

How can parents know if their children are experiencing abuse in the workplace? By paying attention to their child's behavior. Don't always assume that behavior changes are related to age. Sudden consistent moodiness needs to be investigated. If the child becomes withdrawn, if he or she starts making excuses for not wanting to go to work, don't ignore her silent pleas for your help.

Open a dialogue about your teenager's feelings. When your teenager feels even slightly uneasy about another person, teach him or her not only how to recognize and pay attention to those feelings, but also how to act on them by reporting them. Uneasy feelings are trying to relate to your child a warning that needs heeding.

Discuss people who are put into abusive situations. How do they deal with blame, humiliation, and degradation? Let your child know that actions perpetrated by pedophiles are NOT the fault of the victim. Children whose parents discover pornographic photos on web sites are NOT at fault, even if they allowed somebody to photograph them.

Teach children never to send suggestive photos of themselves to people they think are their friends. Friends don't ask for naked pictures. Friends don't put their friends into precarious situations.

Empower your teenagers by asking them how they would handle the situations discussed above if they were put into similar situations. By opening a dialog you may be able to prevent future abuse or learn about past abuse.

Let your teenagers know that the abuse is never their fault, and that you will help them through this emotional turmoil if they are involved in an abusive situation (resources are listed below). Assure them that no matter what - you are there to support them.

What do you do when you discover your child has been a victim of abuse?

If you discover that your teenager has been a victim of sexual misconduct, no matter how minor the infraction seems to be, report the perpetrator to the police. We need to protect our children from these perverts.

Other resources are also available. To report incidents of child sexual (including pornography) exploitation and abuse, fill out an online form at the CyberTipline. The CyberTipline is operated through The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC). 

The NCMEC also maintains a 24-hour hotline at 1-800-THE-LOST and a website at www.missingkids.com.

And to see a list of registered sex offenders (listed by state) go to the National Sex Offender Public Website. Keep in mind that though sex offenders are required by law to register, not all of them do. Many of them move frequently. Just because they don't show up on the registry does not mean they are not offenders.

Help for Parents Who Don’t Want to See Their Drug-Abusing Kids Live on the Streets

Like cigarettes in the 50s with their sexy and glamorous portrayal in movies, drugs today intrigue kids because they are mysterious, alluring, and enticing. What kids don’t realize, though, despite what they hear, is that they are also dangerous (because they believe that nothing bad will ever happen to them). 

In the 50s smokers were considered cool. Today people look upon cigarette smokers with disdain and disgust. Unfortunately, kids don’t see that drug abusers are looked upon with that same disdain and disgust, because their teenage friends use drugs and they're popular. As parents, we flounder with our inability to cope with the devastation associated with drug and alcohol abuse.

Like so many parents who struggle to maintain some sense of balance when they know things are going terribly wrong, we stand on the precipice of wanting to help our kids without also enabling them. Susie calls Mom to ask for money – again. Mom instinctively knows, either because Susie has been asking for a lot of money lately, or wants to deny that Susie is using drugs, that the money her daughter wants will not be used for what Susie says it will be used.

So Mom lends her money for all those things Susie asks – I need money for food – I need to pay the rent – the kids don’t have any school supplies – the list goes on and on. The list changes from week to week, of course, because Susie doesn’t want Mom to become suspicious. So Mom, who doesn’t want to see Susie and her grandchildren living in a dangerous alley or under a bridge somewhere, gives Susie money.

Why not just take Susie in, you might ask, and let her live with Mom? That way her kids would live in a safe environment. But Susie stole some family heirlooms and sold them for drugs. One day, Susie’s mom came home to find her home ransacked and she reported the theft to police. A brand new flat-screen 60” smart TV was missing, along with several electronic devices, including the family computer. Susie looked a little too surprised by the theft. Mom suspected Susie and her “friends” had something to do with it, but she didn’t want to accuse Susie in front of her children.

Nobody ever found out who stole the goods, but Susie’s mom knew, and so did everybody else who knew Susie.

So what’s a mom or dad to do?

Probably the first thing to do is to recognize the signs of drug abuse. (For a list of different types of drug abuse and their signs, click this link on the National Institute on Drug Abuse web site.)

The next thing to do is initiate court proceedings to put Susie’s kids in a loving home. Sadly, too often, people like Susie have parents who also abuse drugs or alcohol. If you’re a parent who uses and abuses drugs and/or alcohol, GET HELP NOW!

Then get Susie (and yourself if need be) into a rehabilitation center somewhere. No money? Figure out how much you’ve been “lending” Susie. You might find that the money you’re losing could pay for a stint at a rehab facility. Just plug, “drug rehab centers” into your search engine to find one.

But in the present situation – STOP GIVING MONEY TO YOUR KIDS!! Do they need gas? Drive them to the gas station and pay for the gas yourself. Do they need food? Go shopping with your kids and pay for their food. Do they need money for a doctor or dentist? Accompany them to the doctor’s or dentist’s office and pay the bill. We have to STOP ENABLING our children in ways that result in even more alcohol or drug abuse!

You could argue that paying for gas, food, and doctors constitutes enabling, but a lot of parents feel guilty for not giving their kids money, and this is one way to alleviate the guilt without contributing to more abuse.

We also need to offer our kids alternatives. Maybe we didn’t discuss drug or alcohol abuse with our kids when they were younger. Maybe they saw us drinking and abusing drugs and we feel that because we indulged, we have no right to say anything. Maybe we weren't honest with our kids about drug usage (see link below that talks about why we're not telling our kids the truth about drugs).

But thinking we don't have the right to discuss drug abuse because of what we did in the past is ridiculous. As the parent you have every right to look out for your kids no matter how old they get. We have access to the Internet and to some very reputable resources. Look at some of these resources and figure out a way to help your kids in any way OTHER than giving them money.

Every dollar you give your kids who abuse drugs or alcohol puts them a little deeper underground. If you don’t want to bury your kids, help them find a way out.

For more information on drugs, specifically concerning the lies we tell our kids about drugs, read, Why What We’re Telling Our Kids About Drugs Doesn’t Help Them.  

Access to Classrooms for Parents

With all the problems associated with school shootings and ongoing disciplinary problems, why don’t we offer classroom access to parents? Video access would hold teachers, students, and administrators accountable for their actions. Parents would be able to tune in throughout the day and could watch first-hand exactly what their children are learning and doing. They might even be able to make sense of some of the ridiculous things their children are learning today (like common core math, for instance).

Common core math aside, some parents want to help their children with homework but have been out of school for so long, they don’t remember what they learned. And learning new ways to solve old problems (common core math again – something many parents find ridiculous because what could be a 3-step process now adds multiple steps to arrive at the same conclusion) could stimulate our brains. By tuning into classroom lectures and assignments, parents can update their skills and be able to check homework.

Video cameras could be placed in the upper corner of each classroom and parents could tune in throughout the day to view their child’s activities. Each year, each student’s parents would be given a code to access the camera (we don’t want random pedophiles accessing classrooms). If anything disruptive occurs, schools can save the evidence on thumb drives for possible disputes.

What this type of accountability means is no more “he said/she said” situations, no more bullying – of a child or a teacher by a child or by a teacher – parents and administrators alike will know with certainty what is happening in their child’s classroom.

Yes, video cameras are expensive, so schools, especially those that are inadequately funded, should not be expected to handle the cost, but interested parents could pool their money and fund the cameras themselves. Or the school could hold fundraisers to raise money.

I would have loved to have had that kind of accountability when my kids were in grammar school. One teacher was so inept that when one of my kids got this woman as a teacher and dropped from an A in math to a D, I became suspicious. Fortunately I was taking algebra in college at the time, so I was able to help my daughter with her homework. I would go over the instructions with her and within seconds, she “got it,” but it wasn’t until the following year, when my son, who was also an A student in math, dropped to a D when he had the same woman, that I thought maybe it was a problem with the teacher after all. 

Though I had complained to the principal the prior year, asking why my daughter came home not understanding anything and then, after a couple of minutes with me, understood everything, the principal explained that maybe I “refreshed her memory.”  The problem, I later learned, was not with my kids; it was with the teacher. Because that teacher had tenure, the principal backed her up. With a video camera, that teacher would have been responsible for actually teaching my kids.

So what do you think? Do you agree? 

How to Detect a Scammer When You Get a Reply from an ad You Placed on Craigslist

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Is ANY Job Really Better than NO Job?

Originally posted on Yahoo Contributor Network January 6, 2011, with the title, "Any Job is Better Than No Job! Is Any Job Really Better Than No Job?" Later posted on and removed from Bubblews.

For the record, I want to say how much I DESPISE hearing those words. I raised four children, mostly by myself, with little and sometimes no child support. No way could I have made it on the salary I was making.

If it weren't for the generosity of my parents and one of my sisters, my children and I would have been living in roach-infested apartments, eating only Ramen noodles and macaroni and cheese. What's really sad about what I just wrote is that families do live in squalor, because they can't afford to live anywhere else. Landlords can't afford to fix apartments when the rent doesn't even pay the mortgage.

I'm not defending slum landlords. I'm just pointing out the obvious - unless the government subsidizes an apartment, if tenants make minimum wage and the landlord wants to help out by offering low-income housing to people who can't afford anything better, something has to give. And sometimes that "something" is major, like a furnace or a refrigerator. Tenants who can't afford to live anywhere else, put up with the inconveniences, because they can't afford to move anywhere else.

My situation wasn't that bad, BECAUSE I had help. But my income was so insignificant, it barely made a dent into my bills.

And it wasn't that I wasn't working as hard as the next guy. In several places where I was employed, I was doing the work of three people. In one law firm for instance, when I left in tears because I just couldn't complete the work expected of one person, I later found out, because my sister took a job working for the same law firm, that they replaced me with three people.

At another job, I worked frantically to keep pace with the work, but everybody asked, "What exactly does Theresa do?" So I devised a performance measurement process to discover just exactly how much work each person in my department was contributing to the overall workload. In addition to what the other employees had do to, I had an additional job that none of them had to perform. I showed the chart to my boss. My output, on the one job alone - the one that the other employees had to perform - was three times that of the average employee. PLUS I had my other job - at the same place - during the same work hours.

However, my pay scale was nowhere near what I needed to succeed in raising my children. Here's why:

The federal minimum wage in 2009 was $7.25. Figuring on the LOW side, rent for a single parent of two children might have been close to $600 a month, food for three was minimally $200 a month. Babysitting was about $400, renters insurance was probably $50 a month, car insurance an addition $50 a month, and when you factor in electricity, phone, gas, heat, and water, you would probably have spent an additional $200. If you wanted cable, that's at last another $100. Gas for your car might have been another $75 a month. But let's leave out the cable, because cable is really not a necessity, is it?

A $15,080 year minimum wage salary equals $1,257/mo. Let's not forget to take out Uncle Sam's portion, which leaves you with about $980. And with deductions, you are left with...

980
- 600
- 200
- 400
- 50
- 50
- 200
- 75 

_____
-595

...nothing AND you owe an additional $595 - $7,140 LESS PER YEAR than the EMPLOYED individual requires just to meet basic necessities. And remember, the costs I listed were probably so much lower than what people with two children would have paid, that you might have to add far more loss to the equation.

In any event, I have to ask, HOW is having a job making $595 less per month than you need to survive BETTER than not having a job? What is the tenant supposed to tell her landlord - "Sorry, I can't pay the rent - EVER - but at least I have a job." Or how about the utility companies? What happens when her children grow out of their clothes and shoes? When you make $595 less per month than you need to survive, you can't even afford items from the Salvation Army.

The employed person could better herself by going to school, but how will she pay for daycare and transportation? Granted some government programs are in effect for SOME individuals. If you want to go into nursing, for instance, you are guaranteed to find help, but the professions for which the government is willing to pay are limited.

Let's take the problem further. Can employers afford to pay more than minimum wage to their employees? Probably not. As it is, most employees have had benefits taken away from them, wage freezes put into effect, perks taken away, and yet they still show up for work every day.

They cut down, cut out, and still they can't meet the demands of life that require them to feed their children, clothe their children, and transport their children to the grocery store.

So what is the answer? Without a job, people have to go on public assistance. With a job, people can't afford to pay their bills and end up on the streets. If you can't afford to pay the bills for your home or apartment, you can't afford to live in your home.

Again, I ask, what is the answer?

I have a suggestion. What if the government expanded its list to include professions other than the limited ones they offer? Not everybody wants to be a farmer or a nurse.

And I would like to offer another ray of hope - a government job. Nowhere else will you find pay scales that increase, benefits that are in most cases superior to anything you would find in the private sector, and more job security than you would find anywhere else. If you can get through the initial phases of poverty, find government assistance to get you through that phase, find people who will agree to take care of your children (you could take care of theirs in exchange), you can find something that will bring you out of your conditions and into something better. (By the way, the government's retirement benefits are amazing.)

Even if the job is not what you had planned on doing with your life, you can train for other positions while you work. Eventually you can live the life you want to live. It will be tough, but aren't your circumstances tough now?

So is any job really better than no job? No. But planning and researching for a better way of life, and then implementing the strategies necessary for getting a better life is better than doing nothing.

Find USA JOBS by clicking the link.

Sources: 

http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0774473.html
http://www.usajobs.gov/

Related Reading: Great Tips on Finding Jobs, Keeping Jobs, Leaving Jobs, & Reporting Jobs With LOTS of Job-Related Resources 

Are You Responsible for Your Child’s Unhealthy Lifestyle? Fight Fat with Food!

“Childhood obesity has more than doubled in children and quadrupled in adolescents in the past 30 years.”

“The percentage of children aged 6–11 years in the United States who were obese increased from 7% in 1980 to nearly 18% in 2012. Similarly, the percentage of adolescents aged 12–19 years who were obese increased from 5% to nearly 21% over the same period.”

Above quoted from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) 

What are we doing to our children and how can we help them live healthier lives? And how can we decrease the amount of processed foods our kids eat and replace those foods with foods that contribute to their overall health?

Recently, I watched a video of a man who was burning what looked like a slice of cheese. It wouldn’t burn, though, and it burned more like plastic than it did food. I wondered how that cheese product would digest in a small 3-year-old’s body, and knew immediately why, when I was providing daycare, the State of Illinois specifically stated that the type of cheese childcare providers were allowed to feed children had to say, “cheese” on the label – not cheese “product.”  

Cheese is a staple in so many diets among so many children – are we feeding our children plastic or real food? Are children experiencing gastrointestinal problems because they can’t digest the food we’re feeding them?

Before women decided to (and in many cases had to) go to work, moms were left at home to care for the family. When Dad and kids came home from work or school, Mom had a meal prepared for them. Today both Mom and Dad work and the kids are scheduled for so many after-school activities that the only option is to grab a hotdog as they race to the car or to run to the concession stand for a plate of nachos. 

But what might be a better option?

According to ABC News, whole, unrefined foods force our metabolisms to work harder than they do when we fill our bodies with processed foods. What that means is that if your food item lists no other ingredients beyond say, bananas, beans, etc., and the food you are about to ingest has no additives, no preservatives, and absolutely no other ingredients, you are looking at a potential fat buster.

Foods in their natural forms are loaded with vitamins, antioxidants, probiotics, or essential fatty acids. Can we get our concession stands to offer healthier alternatives? Can we come together as parents and grandparents to offer our children better food choices?

It’s not too late to make changes. We can no longer use the no-time excuse or the too-many-activities excuse. We MUST make changes, and we must make them now, because if we don’t make changes NOW, our kids, when they become adults, will suffer from heart disease at alarming rates and we, their parents and grandparents, will bury our children.

Is offering healthy food options at concession stands impossible? Why can’t restaurants (even fast food restaurants) offer healthy – but also tasty – alternatives to the high-sugar, salt-laden foods they now offer? Let’s switch out the salt and sugar for some of the spices listed below. We really do have many choices. We just have to MAKE time to take advantage of them.

What follows are the best healthy foods for fighting fat and contributing to the overall health of all of us:

FISH, including Flounder, Sole, Tilapia, and Salmon – omega 3s, found in fish, build muscle which then metabolizes more fat because muscles burn more calories than does fat.

FRUITS, such as Apples, Blueberries, Cherries, Grapefruit, Oranges, Pomegranates, and Avocado (which speeds metabolism, helps inflammation, clears blood vessels, and provides fiber and essential fatty acids). Even though they are packed with sugar, they are packed with “natural” sugar.

LEGUMES, like Beans, are “high in resistance” starch and fiber.

VEGETABLES, including Arugula, Bell peppers, Broccoli, Cabbage, Carrots, Leeks, Onions, Romaine lettuce, Scallions, Shiitake mushrooms, Spinach, Tomatoes Chili Peppers (the capsaicin in chili peppers is thought to burn fat)

NUTS AND SEEDS (raw, unsalted) include Almonds, Flaxseeds, Sesame seeds, Walnuts, and others

BEVERAGES that are unsweetened, such as Blueberry juice, Cherry juice, Pomegranate juice, Vegetable juice, Green Tea (caffein, antioxidants, and catechins stimulate the nervous system and lead to a reduction in body fat), and Coffee, which perks up metabolism

HERBS AND SPICES: Basil, Black pepper, Cardamom, Chives, Cilantro, Cinnamon, Cloves, Garlic, Ginger, Parsley, Turmeric

MISC: Egg whites, Yogurt (plain, nonfat) – the probiotics and calcium in yogurt are supposed to have slimming effects.

Vow now to be your child’s advocate for a healthy lifestyle. If you eat foods that are unhealthy, make a conscious decision to change your eating habits, too, not only for your children, but also for yourself. Make sure you and your kids get plenty of exercise, drink lots of fluids, and eat foods that contribute to your overall health. You’ll find you will all feel better, look better, and have more energy!

Above information was taken from these three sources:

7 Surprising Foods That Fight Fat

44 Superfoods That Fight Fat

Childhood Obesity Facts

Photo – by Seemann from Morguefile

Protect Your Children’s Skin With More than Just Sunscreen

In May, 2010, I received radiation treatments for 36 days. After lumpectomy surgery the previous winter, chemotherapy continued throughout radiation treatments and extended beyond radiation treatments. Like other cancer patients who experienced radiation, I learned that I needed to avoid the sun for one full year following radiation. Why? Because radiated skin blisters easily.

But so can baby’s tender skin. So why not protect it? 

Skin cancer is one of the most prevalent forms of cancer today. According to SkinCancer.org, “Each year there are more new cases of skin cancer than the combined incidence of cancers of the breast, prostate, lung and colon.” And according to Cancer.org, “Many of the more than 3 million skin cancer cases that are diagnosed annually could be prevented by protecting skin from excessive sun exposure and avoiding indoor tanning.”

Because incidents of skin cancer are rising each year, we must be vigilant about sun exposure. Though the article I link below is targeted toward cancer patients receiving radiation, all of the information found within the article explain what YOU can do to protect yourself – and your children – from the sun’s more dangerous rays, even if nobody in your family has cancer or is receiving radiation. 

From different types of sunscreen to protective clothing (yes, you can protect your clothing from the sun’s rays too!), you will find lots of useful information.

“Knowledge is power!”

Getting Radiation? Here’s How to Protect Your Skin with More Than Sunscreen: That Healthy Glow May Not Be Healthy After All