Raising Children to Resist Violence

Has our society become more violent or is our perception that our society – or even our world – has become more violent? 

World War I, the Columbine shooting, domestic violence, and all kinds of other violent acts occur around us all the time. We read about them in the newspapers and we watch horrors unfold on our television sets. Our movies and games are saturated with blood, shooting, and inflicting pain.

If you are a parent who is trying to envelop your child in only a positive environment, unless you keep the child around you at all times, chances are he or she will be exposed to some sort of violence. How do you prepare your child for that inevitable day, whether the exposure is through a friend's video game, an unintentional look at a TV screen or computer monitor, or a photo in a magazine?

More importantly, how do you teach your child to resist violence if the occasion should arise where your child is confronted with a choice to fight back? What if your child is being bullied and comes to a point where he or she can no longer take it? Will the choice be that of the choice made by Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris, the Columbine students who killed their classmates as a result of being bullied?

The American Psychological Association has put together a web site that helps parents teach their children how to respond to emotional issues without resorting to violence. It also teaches them what steps they can take to reduce or minimize violence. Some of their helpful advice, along with my commentary, follows.

First and foremost, make sure your child feels safe in his or her home. Encouraging, supportive, and loving parents can form the basis of a strong relationship between parent and child. Some children are difficult, and parents may need help themselves in dealing with special needs children and those with behavior problems. The American Psychological Association offers parents information to help them raise emotionally healthy children who will know how to resist violence.

Supervise your child. If your teenage slaps the laptop shut every time you enter the room, be suspicious, confront your child, and then examine the laptop by looking through the history. Invite friends into your home, so you can get a sense of the types of people your child chooses as friends. If you allow your child to spend the night at a friend's house, introduce yourself to the parents, get to know them, and ask questions to determine whether or not your child will be safe with them.

BE the kind of person you want your children to emulate. If you confront difficult issues with violence, they will mimic you. How you respond to trauma and problems will likely be the way they will respond to difficult situations.

Be consistent with your parenting. Allowing children to do something one day, and then punishing them for doing the same thing the next day confuses your children. When you make a rule, consistently enforce the rule, or don't make one at all. Better yet, include your children when making decisions that affect them, even for something as simple as bedtime.

For instance, if you are discussing bedtimes, find a reputable web site that lists the number of hours of sleep children need at a specific age. KidsHealth.org lists approximately how much sleep a child needs at a certain age. Pay attention to your child's regular sleep patterns during the summer. If 10 hours works during the summer, use that number of hours to help your child determine bedtime during school. Engaging children in the process of making their own decisions increases the likelihood of them enforcing their own rules. 

If you want to raise loving children, keep violence out of the home. Don't encourage children to watch violent movies or play violent games. When you consider the number of hours your child is awake and factor in the number of hours your child exposes him- or herself to violence, you can understand the percentage of hours your child is bombarded with violence. 

For more in-depth information on how to raise loving and responsible children who will know how to resist violence, visit the American Psychological Association by clicking the link.

Breakfast Smoothie For Kids Who Hate Breakfast

Most parents rush through mornings as if they are running some kind of marathon. With little time to get themselves and everyone else ready, the only perceived option is to throw a bowl of cereal at the kids. What doesn't help is that a lot of kids hate breakfast, and sometimes getting them to eat anything nutritious is difficult if not downright impossible. These same kids may also hate lunch and dinner. 

So how do you get nutrients into their bodies if all they do is hold a fork over their plates or a spoon over their bowls and stare at their food as if it is crawling with leaches? If you care about their health and you don't want to feed them a diet of cookies, cakes, candies, or sugar-laden cereals, even though their little eyes would light up and you might find yourself saying, "Well, at least they're eating SOMETHING," know that you do have other options.

Most kids love milkshakes. Call this smoothie a milkshake if you have to, but this one is filled with actual nutrients AND it tastes sensational (even for adults – it's what I have for breakfast most days). Small children might find this drink too large for their little tummies, so you might have to share it with them. It makes a great mid-afternoon snack in the summer too:

Yummy Breakfast Smoothie

1 cup yogurt (any flavor – I use Activia)

1 pkg. Carnation Instant Breakfast (chocolate, strawberry, or vanilla)

1 banana (or equivalent size of frozen fruit, such as frozen bananas and strawberries*)

1 cup milk or Silk
1 handful of ice (several ice cubes)

1 heaping tablespoon of peanut butter**

Place all ingredients into a blender and blend until smooth. You can add all kinds of boosters, too, like protein powder, flaxseed, wheat germ, or honey (do not use honey for babies). 

*If you use frozen fruit, you won't need ice cubes.

**This yummy breakfast smoothie tastes great without peanut butter so if your child is allergic to peanuts, add some protein powder instead.

Photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net.

Tornado and the Tree – Miracle or Coincidence?

The wind was blowing, the sky was filled with clouds, the rain was about to fall, and the kids wanted to play in the back yard. OK, I told them, but when the wind became more fierce and the rain picked up, I told them to stand under the carport, which faced the front yard, while I ran inside the house to close the windows.

We lived in the middle of a cul-de-sac, with a back yard that stretched the length of four other back yards. A house sat on both sides of ours and a tall weeping willow stood in the northeast corner of our back yard lot where the kids had been playing until the wind picked up. 

With all of them stationed securely in the carport, I ran though the house closing one window after another until I saw a greenish cast in the sky that foretold the possibility of a tornado. In paralyzing fear, I stopped mid-shut as I watched objects float by one of the windows. 

My babies were outside and this looked like the outskirts of a tornado. I shook myself out of my shock and ran outside. But before I got there, a large THUMP made the house feel as if it had been lifted from its foundation.

I gathered my three youngest children, all of whom were in a state of shock. They felt the impact too. I pulled them inside while I finished closing the windows, my heart bouncing off the walls of my chest. 

The cause of the THUMP turned out to be the giant weeping willow. It had crash-landed in our back yard, falling across the lawn where the kids had been playing before I brought them to the carport. Its uppermost branches landed by our back door.

I will never know if a tornado caused the tree to fall, but something uprooted that tree and caused it to land flat on the ground covering the back yard all the way up to our back door. Thankfully, it hit no other home around us, nor did it ruin our home. It didn't even break the fence.

What I'm most grateful for, though, is that Some Thing or Some One saved my children from being in the back yard when that tree landed. Only minutes passed after I had moved them to a different spot. If I hadn't moved them, all three would have been crushed by that tree.

For information about Preparing for a Tornado, click the link. 

Visit the Tornado Facts web site to see more photos of tornadoes and their aftermath by clicking the link.

Want to read more from this author? See the sidebar and THANK YOU for visiting.

Home Security Solution for The Single Parent

The year was 1980. I had just moved into an apartment complex with my oldest daughter (only child at the time). Two men had broken into my one-bedroom apartment, which was very easy to do, considering I left the sliding glass doors open in the living room. 

The overwhelming heat in my tiny apartment was alleviated only by that door being open, and it never occurred to me to install any home security equipment. I figured I could protect my daughter, and I had nothing worth stealing, so why worry.

What I didn't bargain for was the possibility that the people who resided in my apartment before I lived there might have been drug dealers.

The time was 4:00 in the morning. I had awakened with an asthma attack and attempted to get up so I could walk into the dining room where I kept my inhaler. Before I got there, however, a man with a mask pushed me back down into my bed, covered my face with a glove, and held a knife to my throat. Fortunately I was disoriented – I thought he was my (then) fiancé playing some kind of sick joke on me, so I didn't respond the way I might have had I known he was an actual intruder.

He allowed me to go into the dining room to get my inhaler. And that was when I noticed another man rummaging through my freezer.

Everything turned out well. They left with nothing and my daughter and I weren't harmed. After calling the police, I discovered that I had unknowingly moved into a high crime area, and that the reason the guy was going through my freezer was because drug dealers often hide their stash in the freezer. 

I moved out of there as soon as I could find a new place, and while I was frightened for several months, I learned a valuable lesson – never leave yourself or your family unprotected. I am now more vigilant.

Bully, The Movie

Bully Opens in Theaters April 27, 2012

When Bully's original rating made it impossible for children to view it, I, along with so many other concerned parents, grandparents, and educators, couldn't believe the ridiculous rating. As of March 26, 2012, however, The Weinstein Company announced that Bully would be released unrated. 

To that I say BRAVO, Weinstein Company. BRAVO! Bullies are everywhere and the problem has been getting worse and worse. You often hear people say, "Somebody should do something about that." Well, in the case of putting an end to bullying, somebody has – The Weinstein Company. 

According to the movie, 13 million kids will be bullied in the U.S. this year. But maybe, just maybe, if kids watch this movie – if parents, grandparents, school administrators, and bus drivers step up and put an end to the bullying they see at home, at school, and on the bus – just maybe we can lower that number substantially.

Bullying isn't just about somebody beating up a classmate. Bullying happens in the home too, and the sooner we realize how prominent a role bullying has taken in our society, the sooner we admit we have become a nation filled with bullies. WE MUST END this devastating problem. And we have to STOP IGNORING IT!

Sometimes bullying happens in the home because parents believe that bullying and beating their kids is a God-given right. After watching their parents or perhaps taking a cue from some of the violent movies they watch, children are now whacking their brothers and sisters in the head, because their parents slam them into walls or beat them. Kids scream at their siblings and abuse them; the abused ones feel ashamed to be alive.

The ones who get bullied retreat, and they can think of no solution to ending the abuse other than by responding with a decision that will truly end the abuse: KIDS ARE KILLING THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEY ARE BEING BULLIED! 

How many more reasons do we need before we end this type of abuse!

Stupid question, right? Because the question means we have to supply a number, and the answer should be NONE! Abusing siblings is NOT ACCEPTABLE. Abusing classmates is NOT ACCEPTABLE. How did, "kids will be kids" and "boys will be boys" come to mean that bullying was just a part of growing up?

I am disgusted by the proliferation of bullying. Something is seriously wrong with a mind that thinks that kicking, beating, intimidating, and emotionally torturing another human being is acceptable behavior. Do these kids really think that others will view them as being worthy of respect because they belittle and humiliate another human being? Has our society become that sick? How do kids who bully other kids justify their behavior? 

Perhaps they can't. Their warped thinking won't allow them to consider why they torture and abuse kids. They are so filled with rage and the need to dominate another human being, they pick on the people they perceive to be weaker than they are. They would never choose somebody they perceived to be stronger. And then when they use the power of peer pressure to drag others into the mix, peer mentality kicks in, and the child who is being tortured feels that nobody likes him and that nothing will change his circumstances; he has no reason to live. 

Is it too late? Do we just watch bullying progress to the point where bullies take over the schools and then the nation? The movie, Bully, will hopefully impact bullies in such a way that whatever leadership tendencies they have transforms from destructive tendencies to productive abilities. Hopefully they will feel compassion for treating their fellow human beings with disdain and hatred. Hopefully Bully will be taken seriously. 

If you would like to see the trailer for the movie, Bully, please click Bully Official Trailer #1 - Weinstein Company Movie (2012) HD

And if you see a kid torturing another child, if your own children think that slapping, hitting, kicking, or emotionally abusing their sibling is OK, step up and make a difference in your child's life. As one child said in the Bully movie, "All it takes is for one person to stand up." All it takes is for one person to speak up and make a difference.

Will you be the person who makes a difference?

Bully appears in theaters April 27, 2012.

For more articles on bullying, please read:

Socializing, Peer Pressure, and Bullying: At Lunch, on the Bus, During Recess: Raising Confident Children and Managing Bullies

Bullying and Accidental Death by a Sibling: When Sibling Rivalry Escalates to Sibling Abuse

Summer + Water = FUN!

When I think of Summer, I see heat rising from the pavement and perspiration dripping down foreheads. The Lovin' Spoonful's, "Hot town, summer in the city, back of my neck feeling dirt and gritty," rings in my ears. I also smell suntan lotion, feel the sun warm on my face, and hear waves crashing against the beach. 

And then my fantasy ends and I'm sitting in a home nowhere near the ocean or even a beach. 

Because my kids (when they were younger) and I seldom got a chance to visit a beach, pools were always the next best thing for us. But going back even further to my own childhood, I remember family vacations when we drove to various states around the country and spent nights together in a motel. The only prerequisite, no matter where we slept, was that our motel had to have a pool. 

We would arrive at the motel, slide into our swim suits, and race for the pool. Swimsuits on, Cindy and I would jump into the pool while Kathy sat with her feet dangling over the edge (Kathy was afraid of the water). For some reason, we were usually the only family in those pools, and we still reminisce about the luxury of having those pools all to ourselves so many times.

When my own kids were younger, I had been hunting for a home that would accommodate all of us. One in particular seemed to have my name written all over it. The entire back yard was a built-in swimming pool – what fun! – with no grass to mow! But the rooms inside the home were microscopically small and had a lot of problems, so I didn't buy it.

My own pool purchases throughout the years, including my daycare years, consisted of tiny wading pools (for me), but big enough so the kids could splash around. If I could have, I would have had a large pool for myself (I mean, the kids) – one that was clean – chlorine clean. And that's another smell that reminds me of summer – chlorine. 

What makes summer tolerable for people who don't particularly care to sweat all day (like me) is water – lake water, ocean water, or pool water. Now I'm daydreaming about having my own pool. I just checked out some beautiful in-ground liners at Doheny and discovered some really inexpensive chlorine tabs. All I have to do now is purchase a pool!

Don't Know

I appreciate the guest post, Jamie Guy I sure don’t know much about technology but that’s okay. I have a lot of good people around me who know what’s going on but for me it’s more about making sure the day to day business in the store flows smoothly and not that I’ve got all the best technology knowledge, you know? I don’t need to know all the specifics of t1 internetor how to build a website because I have IT consultants who can do that kind of stuff for me. Otherwise I’d have to be an expert in every little thing and that just won’t work when you’re running a company of one. I thought about it for a long time before I decided to take on this whole small business thing and I feel good about where I’m at. I wish I had more help and that things didn’t cost so much but you know, at the end of the day I’m really proud of how far I’ve come and what this business is starting to look like.