Why You Should Never Ask, “What Else Can Go Wrong?”

“If it’s not one thing, it’s another.”

“What else will go wrong?”

“Why do these things always happen to me?”

“What am I, God’s cosmic joke?”

The problem with many single parents is that we complain – a lot – and some might say rightfully so. We don’t get enough child support, or maybe we don’t get any child support. We are solely responsible for getting our kids to school on time, bathing them, dressing them, feeding them, clothing them, attending parent-teacher conferences, supporting them at their sporting events, helping them with their homework, driving them to school or work. And, oh yeah, taking care of ourselves. But who has time for that, right?

People without kids don’t have a clue what it takes to care for children. We can’t help but judge them for judging us. And they give us even more reason to complain.

When I was raising kids in the 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s (my “kids” now range from 30 to nearly 45), people often chimed in with their opinions about everything I was doing wrong. I felt terrible. And I believed them. What is it about us that we tend to pay more attention to negative comments than we do to positive comments? Ten people can compliment us, but we’ll pay more attention to that one person who belittled us or humiliated us than we do to the other 90% who helped us feel better about ourselves.

While I was raising my kids, I went through financial devastation, and while I still don’t have a bank account due to other unforeseen catastrophes, I have noticed one thing that played a particularly important role in raising my children – the more I focused on negativity, the more negativity arose. And then something changed my attitude about negativity. Oprah suggested starting a Gratitude Journal. What could I be grateful for? I was divorced, getting less child support than the courts ordered, I was suffering from lack of emotional and financial support, everything was breaking or broken – as a matter of fact, everything that could go wrong, did.

And I asked myself, “What ELSE can go wrong?” And you know what? Just by asking that question I opened myself up for an answer. That’s what happens when you ask, “What else can go wrong?” The Universe responds with an answer.

In trying to retrain my brain to think more positively, I decided I could be grateful that I HAD children. So many people who wanted them couldn’t get pregnant. I could be grateful that my parents and siblings were still alive. I knew of too many friends who’d lost their parents. I could be grateful that, even though all of my furniture was given to me, I HAD furniture that people cared enough to GIVE to me. I had a home. I had a phone. When I looked around me, I realized that, actually, I had a lot.

Fortunately, I also had very good friends. During the depths of my financial depression, just before I realized that I couldn’t go on using one credit card to make payments on another, nor could I afford to continue purchasing food and clothes for the kids with credit cards, a good friend of mine suggested that I pretend I had money. She also suggested chanting positive affirmations like, “I have more money than I need. I have so much money I can afford to pay my bills and attend to all needs for myself and my children, and I have enough left over for things we all want.”

While I thought her suggestion had merit, I couldn’t see myself believing that I had money just by telling myself that I did. But I COULD believe I had money if other people told me I did. I started leaving dollar bills in different areas of my home, so I could believe I truly had money EVERYWHERE. Soon anyone coming to my home would say, “Wow, you have money everywhere.” It worked! I believed it!

I went from pounding the floor and crying (I actually smashed my mother ring when I did that), “What am I, God, your favorite little soap opera? Do you enjoy tormenting me with one crisis after another? Is my luck not bad enough for you? What else can you do to burden me? What else are you going to take from me?” to looking around and being grateful that I had a place to live, food to eat, and clothes to wear. And I was especially grateful that I had good, caring, loving children. Like any parent, I went through some bad times with the kids, but they’re grown now and I’m proud of each and every one of them. I’m also happy that I am their Mom (not to mention the gifts they share with me from time to time – their children, and their children's children).

Now, instead of asking, “What else can go wrong?” I ask, “What good is going to come to me?” “What am I, God’s favorite sitcom?” And on days like today, when my air conditioner broke once again, I ask, “How will WE (God, the Universe, and me) solve this new problem together?” 

Thinking positively brings positive results. 

One more thing – take SOME time for yourself. Have your friends babysit for you so you can enjoy some “me” time and then do the same for them. We all need a break once in a while.

UPDATE: The air conditioning problem turned out to be a tripped circuit – YAY! 

Thank you for visiting my blog. If you'd like to read more from me, please visit my Gallery Page.

Punishment or Discipline?

Let's set something straight right from the beginning. Punishment ≠ Discipline! If you think spanking your children, beating your children, or sending your children to their room "for the rest of their lives" is teaching them positive reinforcement, you are wrong. So often, after learning new techniques in parenting, I've wished times had been different when I was raising my own children. Not that they turned out "bad" or anything – quite the opposite – despite my stupidity in knowing how to raise children, they all turned out to be loving, kind, and generous people and I'm proud of each of them. The only thing I think I did right was that I DEMONSTRATED my love for them. I didn't just say, "I love you." They all knew, without a doubt that I loved them.

But I was very unclear about how to discipline them and grew up in a PUNISH THEM environment. Is your daughter talking back to you? Scream at her. Is your son throwing his fist into the wall? Ground him for the entire school year. I've learned that punishment teaches a child NOTHING! Well, except maybe anger.

So what exactly is discipline and how can it be used effectively as a replacement for punishment? Read more HERE!

Thank you for visiting!

Successful Kids Make a Difference

Teaching our children at a very young age how to make a difference in their lives or in the lives of others challenges them to look beyond themselves and focus on the world around them. Volunteering or becoming involved in things that interest them are ways to encourage them to succeed in whatever they choose to explore. 

If they are involved in sports or other types of after-school activities, they are already working toward mastering skills and feeling good about themselves (as long as they enjoy what they are accomplishing), but if you are an alert parent, you already know that from a very early age, children truly enjoy helping others. Allowing them to develop their innate desire to help others will, in turn, help them discover that feeling of fulfillment. They won't become so wrapped up in themselves that they'll hide out in their bedrooms looking for anything that helps them feel better about themselves. They will look within and they will find a way to use their own talents to benefit themselves and others.

For more information about how to help your child make a difference, please read, How YOU Can Make a Difference in the Life or Lives of Others.

Thank you for visiting!

Cyber Stalkers May Already Be In Your Home!

When you think of spies, your mind probably runs to James Bond or international traitors. But did you know that every time you take a shower, every time you change your clothes, and every time one of your children sits in front of your computer, you may be opening your home to stalkers, pedophiles, rapists, or murderers?


Read more HERE!

The Maniacal Never-Ending Role of Single Moms (or Dads)

3 Kids in 3D Getting Ready to Watch a Movie

This past week, while two of my daughters and their husbands vacationed in Mexico, I was responsible for taking care of three of my grandchildren. Not a big deal, since I have been caring for children since I was 11 years old. For some reason, though, I forgot the 24/7 specifics about what is entailed. 

The way I used to describe raising children was like living in the midst of a tornado surrounded by a hurricane while stumbling through an earthquake with Earth spinning out of control, because the universe in which I had lived prior to having kids changed dramatically the moment they arrived. 

This week I had a chance to relive those wondrous experiences. Spending a week with three grandchildren, between the ages of 2 and 9, reminded of how every little moment is filled with all the little details I had forgotten: 

Dishes continually pile up in the sink, multiplying before my eyes, because as soon as I wash one, more of them appear;

Laundry grows even after I just filled up the washer, threw clothes in the dryer, folded and hung up all the clothes from the previous load, and what? - the hamper is full again;

Clean up messes (continually) and pick up toys and projects;

Gather homework from the night before – pack lunches into back packs;

Make sure everyone brushes teeth and hair;

Get everyone out of the house on time;

Make sure homework gets done when they come home from school;

Prepare dinner, give baths, put on pajamas;

Finally, get them in bed at a reasonable hour so they will be fresh in the morning. And then the day starts all over again.

Remembering my own experiences and living through them this past week, I don't think parenting today is any more hectic than it was when I was raising kids. In the days when I also had a full- or sometimes several part-time jobs and I was going to school full-time, I had to be ultra-organized, especially when my kids had numerous after-school activities to attend. After spending a week with my grandkids, I'm amazed that I performed all of those functions – alone. But I did! 

Since 1969, I have been on hyperdrive, raising four children, maintaining a home, working, and looking forward to retirement. Today I'm retired, but I'm still in hyperdrive. My youngest daughter graduated from high school in 2002. So for over 30 years, I lived as a maniacal mom, frantically trying to get everything completed within a reasonable period of time. Often I failed. We were late to a basketball game this week by 2 minutes, because the game had already begun.

After a whirlwind week, I had prepared my grandkids for their parents return. The week was over and the kids would awaken yesterday morning with both parents home. They were so excited, and so was I – I made it through the week! I have to admit, though – last night I slept for 9 hours!

So for all you single moms (and single dads) who are living in that hurricane-wrapped tornado, please know that one day you, too, will look back and wonder how you made it through these times. Do yourself a favor and  take time today to congratulate yourselves and reward yourself once in a while, because one day you'll forget the day-to-day things – unless you offer to care for your grandkids while their parents are away – and then it will all come back to you as it did to me! And as far as retirement is concerned, I'm not really sure what that is yet.

Want to read more from this author? Please click my Gallery of Posts and THANK YOU for reading. 

Someone Could be Stalking Your Child and You Wouldn't Know It!

Would you know if your child was being stalked? Did you know that just by placing a photo that you took with your smart phone on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or other Internet sites, you could be putting your child in jeopardy of becoming a pedophile's dream?

Read, Stalking Children – Can a Stalker Find YOUR CHILD Just from Your Facebook Photo?

For more from this author, please visit her Gallery of Posts.

How to Prevent Your Child from Becoming a Pedophile's Victim

As parents, our job is to love, nurture, and protect our children. We sometimes move into "safe" neighborhoods, warn our kids not to speak to strangers, and go about our lives, feeling that we have adequately prepared our children to look for and know how to respond to danger. But what we may not realize is that after a while, strangers become neighbors and neighbors become what children consider to be – friends.

If a neighbor asks your child to help him look for his lost puppy, your helpful and compassionate child might want to help, even if she feels the hair standing up on the back of her neck. And THAT is what I want you to talk to your children about – recognizing their own body's responses to outside stimuli. If your children want to accommodate your neighbor but get a funny feeling, I hope they have been told to pay attention to the way their body responds to fear. 

Read more about how to protect your child HERE.