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Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Sometimes the Choice is Divorce

After the credits start rolling in Finding Nemo, a scene shows a group of bagged fish jumping into the ocean after escaping the aquarium in a dentist's office. After making it safely across an expressway, they look at each other and one says to the rest of them, "Now what?"

Now What?

Now what? is precisely the question we are supposed to answer. Because for every action we take, we can expect a reaction. But how are we supposed to know every possible consequence for every possible action?

When my children were young, my finances were so far below the poverty level, I relied on credit cards to provide us with food, shelter, and clothing. Many people offered no sympathy. "You chose to have children. Deal with it."

They were right. I CHOSE to have children, but I didn't have the foresight to consider all possible consequences for making that choice. I didn't consider the What ifs. What if, for instance, my husband decided to vacate the marriage? What if my husband decided he would rather be married to Bud(weiser) than to me?

What if one of us lost our jobs, our home, or our sanity? No, I did NOT consider all possible consequences for my choices. And for that I am guilty.

But sometimes we can't anticipate consequences for every action we take. Take, for instance, a person who chooses to marry. Can anyone see all possible consequences for making that decision?

Who can predict a spouse that suddenly becomes an alcoholic? So many possibilities exist – infidelity, pedophilia, and a host of other problems. On the other hand, what if your spouse suddenly decides he wants to change religions?  What if he becomes involved in a cult?

Making Plans

Mapping out a plan prepares us for what we EXPECT. It does not prepare us for  every possible outcome. We marry for better or worse, but often we can not fathom "worse."

When we decide to get married, we don't usually foresee a divorce, but divorce is sometimes the consequence of our actions. In those cases understanding divorce law helps us decide the course we should take. By educating ourselves we can learn as much as possible about any consequences that may result from our actions. 

Before my divorce, I read as much as I could about divorce and the effect it would have on my children. I had to feel comfortable and knowledgeable about my decision.

Become comfortable with the decision you plan to make, and take that first step. You can always backtrack if you discover you are on the wrong track.

Dealing With Consequences

Like the Nemo fish, we often take leaps of faith. The best we can do is to research our problems, consider our options, choose the best possible action, and hope for the best possible outcome. The Nemo fish could have prayed for help to come along or they could have forged their own paths. Praying helps, but we also have to forge our own paths.

And reaching out to others is the first step toward treading whatever path we choose to follow. If you have tried to repair your marriage and divorce is the only viable option, you may need to ask friends and relatives for referrals to a divorce attorney. Getting divorced isn't dishonorable; it's sometimes necessary.

"Honor isn't about making the right choices. It's about dealing with the consequences." – Midori Koto

If you live in Ontario, Canada, please click divorce law barrie for an attorney in your area. 

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